Monday, November 28, 2005
--Talk to me
This morning I meowed as shrilly and loudly as I could until I got someone's attention. The reward was a nice long massage. Unfortunately, I ended up getting static from it, but it was definitely worth it.
Mom says I'm a princess, but this other human she talks to a lot (she really cuts into my massage time), Faythe, says I'm a diva. What's the difference anyway? Does it really matter as long as I get attention, plenty of choice food and the #1 Sleeping Spot in the house?
Listen, I am a beautiful, shiney, nubian feline of the female persuasion. I demand respect. And I demand attention. Now I have to admit, I'm scared of a lot of things. A knock at the door. A shoe that suddenly appears where it wasn't yesterday. A plastic bag that makes noise. Or a foot that touches me when I walk by. Yes it's true, I have fragile, sensitive nerves that react with a limber if not taut spring into the air. Simba even called me a "Scaredy Cat" once! Mom thinks it may have something to do with having a feral momma for the first month of my life or being abandoned by a cruel human in a city alley at the tenderest of years. The background of my infancy is still a mystery to everyone so we really don't know why I am a delicate and nervous kitty.
All I know is if I have approved of you, after coming out of hiding of course, and have decided to grace you with my presence, I expect attention. And a lot of it. Just don't make any sudden moves.
I may have to resort to the loud bitchy meow again after the static wears off. I need another massage after all this typing.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
I threw up yesterday. Something I ate really upset my stomach. It could have been the cheap catfood (I insist on good quality hard food, but the cheaper the canned food, the better) or it could have been that crunchy piece of plastic. Not sure. Either way, my puke was orange.
Well, by the time Girl found it, the orange goo had stained the carpet. She knew it was me because my fur was mixed in with it. I tell you, fur always gives a cat a way, ya know? Anyway, every time I walk by that spot on the carpet right in the walkway in front of the tv, I have to stop and sniff it. It sorta freaks me out; I keep forgetting that I caused the stain! Zoe and I are still discussing whether or not it is worth hairball points.
Girl keeps talking about some sort of stain remover. Is there such a thing? Will my stain hold? Only time will tell.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Oh wait, is that meowing I hear? Is someone meowing for help? Nope, just a cat food commercial. HISSS!
Check out my cape. Groovy. Meanwhile, I'm trying to decide if I need to do any more licking to make hairball or if I have enough fur built up.
Damn, I'm gorgeous!
Just look at me!!
After the photo session I got some good pets in.
I layed around for a while with my SuperCat outfit dreaming of all the hairballs I was going to randomly deposit later.
And then Zoe came over and started making fun of me. I gave her a good smack and she left. BRAT!
Being that we're So Cal ghetto cats, we're not used to weather that dips below 60 degree's. We hear rumors from passing birds that it can get colder, but whatever! What do they know?? Their brains are smaller than ours!
Anyway, so The Brat aka Zoe usually manages to squeeze her way into my bed. First, she jumps in with me and wakes me up. This makes me pretty grouchy. I hate it when she wakes me up during a good snooze! But then she makes up for it by licking my head. It feels pretty good! As long as she doesn't lick too long, I'll let her stick around. She knows that if she doesn't stop, I'll lay a strangle hold on her along with a good bite. After we get nice and warm, we'll both stretch out like Yin - Yang Cats.
Don't worry, we're both really comfortable. I know it doesn't look like it but we are. This one is pretty funny, look how my face is squished under Zoe. Actually, I did this on purpose. I always like to cover my eyes when the lights are on.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Yeah, so I was sleeping on the windowsill in the bedroom when I woke up due to some stomach gurgling. I knew this was going to be a good one since I felt pretty bloated and my stomach was rock hard. First thing I did was saunter as quickly as I could into the livingroom where the humans were sitting, eating dinner. I positioned myself at an angle right in front of the TV so they could both watch me. It was classic! Even Simba high-fived me afterwards!
Anyway, so I spread out my legs and hunkered down for a good yacking position. After some heavy heaving that would put any sorority girl to shame, I managed to yack up a nice black hairball that was so big, it separated into two sections that criss-crossed each other nicely as they fell to the floor. I was pretty proud of this one...it was HUGE and looked like poo!
Instead of running away in "fear" (yeah, like we're really afraid LOL), I nonchalantly walked away. I passed a side-long glance at Girl. Her mouth was stuck in the "duh" position - she was speechless! Both humans froze for a few seconds before one of them managed to get up and remove my piece of art.
On a scale of one to five, I give this hairball Five Kibble!
Since Simba is now sleeping in MY box, I'll tell you about his hairball of the week. Since he's been an ass to me lately, I've refused to lick him. He can lick his own damn orange fur clean! So you can bet your catnip he had a nice juicy one worked up.
This morning just before the humans woke up, we discussed where he should deposit it. And we knew the perfect place! You see, almost every morning Girl gets up early and moves to the couch and sleeps about an hour. I guess it has something to do with the firetrucks, piercing rising sun, and other noise just outside the bedroom window looking onto the street. It's like heaven to me, but whatever! Humans are so freaking sensitive.
Anyway, we took some measurements the other morning and calculated exactly where Girl would step when she walks to the couch. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about! Just as the alarm clock was going off, Simba yacked up his soggy orange hairball in the perfect place: about two inches from the front of couch. *MEOOOOW MEOW MEW MEW MEW!*
Sure enough, Girl stepped right into it this morning. And the best part?? She was TOO TIRED TO NOTICE! It wasn't until she got up 45 minutes later that she said, "I think there's something wet over here."
OH MY GAWD life is so perfect!
I give this hairball Three Kibble for quality, but Five Kibble for placement! Way to go Simba!
I hate this mask. It scared the hairballs right out of me!
Zoe didn't care for it much either. She was smarter than me though. Whenever she saw boy-human with the mask, she would run away. Damn her and her sleek, fast moving body!! I can never get away, I aways get caught!
Here's Zoe doing her world-renowned impression of "A Cat that Doesn't Want To Be Picked Up." Note the positioning of her legs as she's getting ready to push off his chest.
She is so athletic. I hate her! I must go bite her now.
I thought it was weird how he kept saying how much he likes kids and thinks they're cute. If he likes them, why did he keep scaring them? I just don't get humans. They're so complicated! Speaking of humans, Girl put clothes on us!! YEAH! I'll load those pics later. I just saw a can of catfood being taken from the fridge.
Food always takes precedence over blogging.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Can you believe this crap? Today girl-human came home from shopping with HALLOWEEN COSTUMES. FOR US CATS!!! I'm not sure what she thinks she's doing or if she thinks she's going to get away with this.
*mental note to self, pee on bed later*
She EVEN made me try on my costume!! I played it cool, like it was nothing, but later while she wasn't looking, I got my revenge and bit it a bunch of times.
That bitch! I'd like to see her try to make me wear it too! I'll be sure to have my claws sharpened just before Halloween. Oh yes...I'm seething with anticipation on this one.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Be at ease, grasshopper. Put away the horribly dubbed movies and katanas for a while. While physical fitness is a good thing, nobody likes to be told over and over and over and over what martial arts you have mastered. Get a life.
3- litter box (must be clean or I will pee on your bed)
4- fleece to sleep on
So today girl human was wandering around taking pictures of our mutual obsession for her blog. I guess she wasn't happy with the first picture (something to do with the background and color absorption) and was trying various backgrounds. Finally, she took a photo she liked and left the four balls of yumminess alone in the bedroom.
Ahhh..my precious yarn. When she came back into the bedroom to retrieve the yarn, she found me with it. I tried to act like nothing was going on. I was cool, man, cool.
But..upon closer inspection she noticed there was a ball missing. EEEE!!
I was distracted by an unintelligible-to-human-ears sound from the living room and didn't notice she had discovered my hiding spot and had started pulling the yarn ball out from under me. grrrr! I stuck out a paw in a half hearted attempt to protect my prize, but that sound...what was it!?? I could NOT concentrate! I was really hoping it was food related (see #1 in list).
And THEN I saw Zoe...she was hiding up in the closet on the top shelf, trying to be sneaky. At last, I found her new hiding spot!! She is such a brat, using her nifty black fur to blend in with her hiding spots. Sometimes I hate her and bite her neck.
While I was imagining biting Zoe's neck, Girl started taking all the yarn away! No, not my precious yarn! I LOVE YOU!
You see, this yarn is special. It's made of bamboo! YEAH! Bamboo yarn! You have NO idea!
As you can see my desperate attempts were in vain.
I'm telling you... I get no respect around here, none at all.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
you see, i was getting pretty worried about boy-humans absence. i mean, ok... girl-human was doing a pretty good job and making sure we had plenty of food and filtered water. sure, she made sure we got our daily massage and special soft food each night on schedule and our poop box was clean (although there was one night when it wasn't so clean, but i taught her a lesson and pee'd on her bed).
life has been uneventful. me and my sister zoe slept all day, i bit her a few times, we ate and pooped. but that's it. sorry, but it was boring. when girl-human finally got home from wherever she spent her days, there wasn't that much time left in the day to pet me like i need to be pet. i'm talking, serious pets and massages. and i need to be looked in the eye while you do it. yes, i'm that kind of cat.
i was getting pretty annoyed when girl-human would push me away from her monitor - mean, what gives? i need attention! doesn't she see that? who does she think she is?? i don't know why she got upset when i pushed things off the desk. really, i was doing her a favor so she could massage me better.
anyway, boy-human suddenly appeared tonight! i don't know where he was either. he smells funny! i'm still not sure what all the smells mean, but i'll get to the bottom of it tonight when i can investigate his luggage after he goes to sleep.
meanwhile, when he first came home i made sure i got pet right away. man, i sure do love him. he's my most favorite human in the world. besides, he knows how to treat a cat right. with utter devotion and attention...yeah, he knows his place.